It’s the small moments…it’s the everyday little joys, like the sun shining through a cloudy day, or a home-cooked meal after a long day of work that makes life a little bit brighter. It’s the rare 15 min commute to work or the wagging of your dog’s tail. It’s the times when you feel like crying and are surprised when someone’s hug seems to make the sadness go away. It’s the iced mocha from Starbucks to jumpstart your morning or the collapsing onto your bed after a 10 hour day at work. It’s the times you tell yourself you can when your mind convinces you otherwise. It’s the believing in yourself and in others when all seems lost. It’s the courage to stand up for yourself and walk away from something or someone you love that is destroying your inner being. It’s the love and grace to forgive those that have hurt you and strength to see those people as people apart from that hurt. It’s the everyday fearlessness and grit to keep moving, dreaming, fighting for what is important to you even when life takes all your hope away. It’s the small moments that make the big moments worth so much more. It is you being unapologetically you because you are worth more than even you can know. It’s the small moments that I love and will cherish. Always.
If you spend time cultivating the relationships around you, you won’t need to worry about whether or not they will remain in your life. If you love them and show that love through your words and actions, they will remember you and the love you shared with them even after they grow up and will find ways to meet you even if only for a little while. Time is of the essence. Don’t lose out on being a part of someone’s growth and life or in making memories with them just because you’re too busy. Because when you finally find the time, it might be too late, and they may no longer be there waiting. So go, do you, but do not forget the people that have helped put love, laughter, and joy in your life. Appreciate them and find ways to continue to meet them even when life makes it a little difficult. Trust me, it’ll be worth it. 💕
Years later after starting this blog, I return humbled and amazed at the journey of self-discovery I was forced to embark on after having my heart and voice stripped from me. It is surreal to understand the depth of hurt I was once in and the many instances of sorrow I faced in the years to come and still believe that each moment of hardship was one that I had to endure to grow stronger and wiser in knowing what it means to love hard, unconditionally, and with everything I have with no regret. I am proud of the choices I have made even if there were hesitancies or mistakes in the process. The intent behind every action and thought were attempts at discovering my own heart and learning what it meant to love myself for me, without anyone else’s opinion or approval of worth, and hold that same love with or without a man telling me I was worth keeping. As I look back on even the last few days, I have realized that I have allowed myself to open up to love in ways I thought would be closed forever, at the risk of getting hurt again. Though the result of risking love this weekend still ended with a broken heart, I still firmly believe in love and the power and depth of love, and I have hope that as long as I remain true to myself and my heart, someone will understand that love and find me when both our time and hearts meet in the middle.
So with my heart on my sleeve and my head in the clouds, I leave behind love, with no regrets. | always • yours truly
I’m not sure if you have ever heard the song by Laura Story called Blessings, but it is song that I absolutely love. I thought I understood the message of the song clearly before, but it was only until recently that I understood the lyrics on a deeper and more personal level. These past few months have been quite a struggle for me. It seemed that I was fighting not just one but multiple battles at once, ripping the very core of my being…my heart. I felt exhausted, depraved of love, and hopeless that the darkness would not overwhelm me. I cannot begin to say how many times, I felt lost, alone, and betrayed by the injustice of what was going on. Yet even as I clung onto Christ, my hope, the heartache and pain began to wear down my strength and patience. Up until about a week or so ago, I was so ready to just give up. What was the point in trying so hard to maintain hope, love, and faith in people when even the people you love fail you, hurt you, and give up on you? What was the point on waiting for God to take you out of this storm, when you can’t even understand why you were placed there in the first place, let alone be taken out of it?
However, even when my mind gave up, when my heart lost its strength, and my ability to continue fighting faltered, there was one thing that never stopped working…God’s unfailing love for me. Despite my lack in confidence that things would be resolved or that God had been listening to my prayers, the truth is God was always at work, whether I could see it or not. When we are downtrodden, angry, lost, and confused, when our hearts become weak and the burdens are too much to bear, God hears and takes into account all that we are going through. It is these trials and sufferings that make getting out of the storm, so much more meaningful. We need to understand and feel the pains of this world, in order to experience and appreciate the true power of God and His love.
I realized this week, how truly blessed I am. Though there are times I am caught in the most hopeless situations, I have a God that is stronger than anything the enemy tries to throw my way. Although these battles are often painful and unending, the war has already been won, with Christ as the victor. These battles are just a prelude of what is to come, and what is to come is an incomprehensible joy that will last for eternity.
In my favorite verse, John 16:33 Jesus says it best:
In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world.
Our lives will be filled with raindrops and tears, but God will always turn those raindrops into rainbows, those tears into joy. He is at work, though we may see it or not, there are blessings all around us. God’s love never fails, and for that I am eternally grateful.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Say something, I’m giving up on you. I’ll be the one that you want me to. Anywhere I would’ve followed you. Say something, I’m giving up on you.
I currently love this song, it’s both sad and beautiful, which kinda prompted me to write something that I have been struggling with.
With the holiday season approaching, it is so easy to fall into the traps of busyness, forgetfulness, and loneliness. With church events, Christmas parties to plan, and regular responsibilities to maintain, I’m finding it hard to remember the true meaning of this season, Christ. On top of these yearly struggles, in the midst of going through trials during the holidays, it seems almost impossible to feel contentedness, joy, hope, and love. The weight of these burdens grows heavier and heavier as days pass by waiting for some sort of resolution in my heart.
Waiting…this is probably the most painful, most uncertain, most frustrating, most heartbreaking lesson I am learning right now. I am that type of person that just wants to know at that moment. Tell me good or bad news. I don’t really care as long as it’s right now. Don’t make me wait or say nothing at all. Say something. Anything. It is closure that my heart craves for. I would say I am a pretty patient person in most situations, but in the midst of heartache, that is where my patience fails. And where patience falters, anger, bitterness, and resentment finds its way in my heart. It is something that I have been desperately trying to fight recently. To experience loss, to have no control over a situation, to have to just sit and wait, wait on God to answer my prayers, is a true test of my faithfulness to Him. These past few days, if I’m being honest have been a real struggle. There have been moments that these burdens, these emotions just overwhelmed me, so much so that I couldn’t help but to cry out, pound on my steering wheel, and just break down. It is in these moments that we are so susceptible to the enemy. It is during these times, the enemy fills our head with doubts, lies, and desires to do things we know are not good for us, though in the moment it would relieve any anxiety or heartache we have. If God didn’t exist in this world, I would definitely be a lost cause. Somehow I know that I just would not have the strength to get through some of these events. But how blessed am I that He does exist, that He watches out for me, nudging me this way and that, always leading me back home, where I belong. Even now, I cannot say that I have the strength to overcome even the littlest trials, because in reality, I really don’t. I am a weak, imperfect being. The only thing I have going for me is that I believe and have faith in my Creator, my God that is stronger than anything of and not of this world. A God that has always proven Himself to be righteous and true, God that is gracious and merciful, pure and intentional. God, who loves and is love itself, is perfect. So although I am this imperfect being, full of weaknesses and lacks in much, how can I lose hope when God covers all of me, filling every void? I must strive on, fighting with every ounce of my being to wait patiently on Him.
And I’ll swallow my pride. You’re the one that I want, and I’m saying goodbye. Say something, I’m giving up on you. ~A Great Big World
Say something…I won’t give up on you. ~K
Taking a deep breath is all you can do to get through the day.